Today marks the 2nd anniversary of the date that I was diagnosed with triple negative breast cancer. I had a follow-up ultrasound appointment today at the very same place that I was diagnosed just 24 months ago. A feeling of dread and uneasiness soared through my body as I lay on the exam table as the radiologist took image after image of random cysts that have surfaced in both breasts since my last exam. The memories of diagnosis, several surgeries and chemotherapy are still way to clear and the fear of recurrence continues to rear its ugly head from time to time. The results of my ultrasound were that the cysts were all benign and nothing to worry about. I remain in the clear and I thank your God, my God and the universe for that.
All of this left me pondering the many cancer survivors that suffer from PTSD after they've completed treatment. PTSD is characterized by an inability to relax after something very traumatic happens to you, for fear that the trauma will return. I thought that if I suffered from PTSD, it may have been impossible for me to even walk back into that examination room and undergo the same test that was used to diagnose my cancer in the first place for fear that the news of cancer returning would be imminent. There are studies of people who have committed suicide from the fear of cancer returning. Others suffer daily from sadness, worry and feelings of anxiety that their cancer will return - along with a variety of other symptoms.
I was speaking to a dear friend on the phone as I was entering the medical building today and shared with her the feeling of dread that I had. She offered me some interesting and very sound advice that I thought worth sharing. She said that instead of remembering August 19 as a date of diagnosis, dread and all that the day brought two years ago, to create a new memory for that date. The thought was that August 19 now represents a day of celebration that the cancer is gone and a day to be thankful and look forward to every year. It is the day that I underwent another test and was told that I remain cancer free and that everything looked fine. I like that idea. To erase an old memory by creating a new happier one over it is a wonderful idea. This is what I choose to do going forward.
I am happy to know that doctors are now starting to seriously address PTSD in cancer survivors. There are a lot of studies about this right now and doctors are learning how to identify those patients that may suffer from PTSD as well as researching the best ways to treat these patients. In my abbreviated study on this topic I found it understandable that breast cancer patients in particular are at high risk for PTSD as they have a 1 in 5 change of recurrence. It is imperative that doctors examine their cancer patients' mental well-being along with treating the symptoms of cancer.
For myself, I remember feeling pretty mentally strong during my treatments as I was very busy focusing on fighting my battle and winning. There was not a lot of time to feel fear when you are running back and forth to medical appointments, undergoing treatments, feeling sick and tired all of the time, worrying about your family and trying to manage finances, work issues and other areas of your life. It is after treatment and during recovery that you really have time to focus on the "oh shit! I could have died and still could if this thing comes back!" moments.
There are several methods of therapy for PTSD. If you or someone you know is suffering from this, please know that things can get better and reach out for the help you or your loved ones need. There are many reasons to celebrate our cancer survival and life is way to short to live in fear and dread. Enjoy the good times and please, please perform self-exams and seek treatment right away if you ever find anything questionable going on in or on your body. Early detection can save your life.
Thank you for reading and please share so that the information can reach those who may find value in it. I will now head out to the beach with my wonderful husband to enjoy Mexican food and a margarita on the seashore in celebration of August 19!!
