Her name is Rae.

Her name is Rae.  We were introduced in a group gathering at the start of a fitness program for cancer survivors at a new gym.  We sat in a circle and went through the customary introductions...tell us your name, a little about yourself and what you value in your life.  I thought back to when I was undergoing chemotherapy and participating in a guided imagery session at a local cancer center.  I sat is a similar circle and folks were encouraged to share their experiences amongst the group.  A few people went before me and were somehow able to maintain complete composure as they related their experiences and shared with the group.  It was my turn.  I began to sob uncontrollably and could not speak.  The range of emotions that I felt were off the chart and I could not pull myself together.  Afterwards, I spoke to the person leading the program and wondered why, when all of the ladies in the room had either gone through or were still going through what I was, why they appeared to be healthy and together when I was melting into a puddle of tears.  She said that everyone goes through this at their own pace and at different levels of emotions at all times.  You could not compare, imagine or judge what anyone else was feeling.  Each of us has our own pace, path and journey as we battle this horrible disease and fight for our lives.

At the fitness program, I was asked to go first.  I stated my name, looked around the room and made eye contact with all of the other participants.  I went on to state that, like many in the room, I had battled cancer, gone through several surgeries along with chemotherapy and was looking forward to this fitness program to gain some of the muscle strength and flexibility that I had lost as a result of my illness.  What do I value?  I said that I value first, my family and next my health and well-being.  In hindsight, I would have added much more to this list.  But, I'm not a great public speaker - I get a bit nervous when under the gun and I tend to be brief.

A couple of folks later down the line, there was Rae.  Rae is a pretty, slender and in all appearances a very shy and quiet young woman.  She has long dark hair, and sat a little slouched in her chair with her arms crossed.  She began, my name is Rae.  She sank a bit lower into her chair as her eyes began to overflow.  She has cancer.  She is currently undergoing chemotherapy every other week and is very weak and has no energy.  She is trying to do everything she can to fight this disease but again is very tired.  She has small children and is very frightened about the possibility of not being around for them.  My heart all but stopped and I had to fight hard not to lose it right there and then.  It all came rushing back.

I thought to myself, if I saw Rae out in the world, say at a grocery store or something - I would not ever imagine that she has cancer.  Why would I?  She has all of her hair and, she looks healthy enough. I wonder how many people we run into in the course of our everyday lives who are fighting for their very lives, or attempting to carry on with devastating circumstances going on in their lives that we are completely unaware of.  Probably more than we would ever want to imagine.

My heart goes out to Rae, her family and all of those who are quietly fighting their own battles.  I encourage everyone to try to keep this in mind when we are out and about with other people as we go about our business.  People that might seem rude or not paying attention -perhaps cutting us off in our car, etc.  What might be going on in their lives?  Must we always be so judgmental about other people?  Let's try to live with more compassion and caring for those around us.

I saw Rae again yesterday and shared with her that I was once in a similar position.  I offered to her that I am available if she ever has any questions or needs any help.  I sincerely hope that she takes me up on my offer.  I can see the hurt and fear in her eyes and I would be honored to be able to offer her even the slightest of assistance.

I would like to say that I go through life without hate for anything or anybody.  But cancer?  I do believe that this is the thing that I truly hate!

Stay healthy and please remember to show compassion for those around you.  You just never know.

Turning triple negative into triple positives in 2015

As we say goodbye to 2014 and welcome 2015, I find myself reflecting on the past couple of years.  2013 when I heard those words "you have breast cancer", multiple surgeries and chemotherapy - followed by 2014, a year of recovery and pushing cancer behind me.  2015 will be a year of living for today and looking forward.  My intention is to live fully each day and experience the joy and positive feeling that each day brings and to look forward to new experiences, new dreams, better health and a full and happy life.  I came across a blog that my daughter posted at the beginning of 2013.  Her words are wise, timeless and appropriate for today.  

I wish you all the best and an abundance of good health in the new year!

Sunset January 1, 2015 - taken at Moss Beach Distillary.

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a few things i've learned in 2012

Tomorrow is the last day of the year. 2012 has been good to me, for the most part but as always, there were some lessons to be learned. Here are a few things I've learned this year: 1. You have control over who you spend your time on. Get rid of the toxic people in your life and watch how quickly your life improves. Surround yourself with people who make you want to be a better person, people who inspire you, people who support you and make you laugh, people who will be there for you at your best and worst times with no judgments. These people are worth your time. 2. It's okay to be alone. You don't always need someone/something to distract you. These moments spent in solitude have proved to be very beneficial to me this year. 3. Try new things. Always try new things. Change is a good thing, and change can only be achieved by stepping out of the box (the box is sometimes disguised as your "comfort zone"). 4. Nine out of ten times, a great night is worth the terrible morning that follows. 5. To follow up #4, the best hangover cures this year have been sushi, sleep, orange juice and coffee. 6."Don't overlook lifes' small joys while searching for the big ones." -H. Jackson Brown Jr. It's so easy to get caught up in all of the hustle and stress of todays' world that sometimes we need to slow ourselves down and soak up some of the beauty that surrounds us. A few things that come to my mind are sunsets, blossoming trees and sleepy smiles. While you walk, look around you. Look up! When you spend all of your time looking down at your feet, you're missing the world around you. The main lesson I've learned is that we must live each day. Take the time to really taste your food as you eat it, start your day off with a deep breath of serenity, let your body really sink into your mattress as you end your day, let negativity go and make room for more positive things in your life, focus on what's truly important and be yourself.   my words as windows