I am through with chemo and I am thrilled. In the same breath, I am frustrated and unsettled. It is true that each round of chemo is harder on the body than the last. The effects are cumulative and the fatigue gets worse each time. All of that combined with the anemia that I am experiencing has drained every ounce of energy from my body and has left me wholly feeling like I am battling a bad flu.
It's kind of like a bad joke: Your done! You made it! You can go forward and reclaim your health! - but wait...You won't be able to get out of bed! You will feel more tired than ever! Your muscles and bones will ache horribly! What is this cruel joke? I am ready to move forward and feel better - now. Patience is not a virtue that I hold. My mind tells me that I must move forward and begin to exercise my body and feel better. My body says, no - give it more time - we are not through feeling the effects of the last chemo.
The good news is that I know I will get there. I must work on the patience end of things and go with the flow. Hard for me, but I'm learning. I have to remember that the chemo before this set me back an entire three weeks and then the next one was upon me. Therefore, I know that it will be at least three weeks from the last one before I begin to turn the corner on the bad effects and after that it will take months to rebuild my stamina and begin to feel normal energy. Patience, perseverance and hard work are in order.
Monday, December 30, 2013
Sunday, December 22, 2013
The Husband’s Job
Okay men. Listen-up. If your wife has breast cancer, these are your marching orders.
[And this tome is for men. Not spineless boys who leave their wives when cancer strikes, as I have read horror stories about. Not wimps, who promised in sickness and in health, then flaked when the former occurred. This is for men who have honor and keep their word.]
When your wife gets the call, your life changes. All your petty worries and frustrations magically vanish because you now have one single priority. The clarity and, strangely the peace of mind, is amazing and will help your through this as you help your woman through it. So strap-in and learn what your jobs are.
More importantly, be there for her. At times she will feel very alone because she is the only one with the disease. Every hug, touch, gesture and soft word let’s her know she isn’t alone after all.
Listen to help with symptoms, medications and tactical support. But you also listen because when someone has debilitating poisons injected into their blood every few weeks, and it brings them so very low, having someone to hear their woes is medicine itself.
But also do take her out. When enduring chemo, a woman can be trapped in a house, or even a room for days at a time. Put her in the car and take her for a drive … anywhere. The more beautiful the better. Just keep her in touch with sun, rain, birds, lights, life. This not only makes her now happier, but it gives her an anchor in the future … a little more to hold on and look forward to.
Oh, and hold her hand, just because.
[And this tome is for men. Not spineless boys who leave their wives when cancer strikes, as I have read horror stories about. Not wimps, who promised in sickness and in health, then flaked when the former occurred. This is for men who have honor and keep their word.]
When your wife gets the call, your life changes. All your petty worries and frustrations magically vanish because you now have one single priority. The clarity and, strangely the peace of mind, is amazing and will help your through this as you help your woman through it. So strap-in and learn what your jobs are.
Be there
Go to all of the doctor appointments. Cancer is a complex threat, and it is better to have two heads and four ears. The flood of information is huge, and what one person misses, the other will catch. Her life may depend on what you hear and remember.More importantly, be there for her. At times she will feel very alone because she is the only one with the disease. Every hug, touch, gesture and soft word let’s her know she isn’t alone after all.
Listen
Your wife will endure a lot of changes. She will go from robust to bed-ridden exhausted. She will lose her hair and at times her psychological strength. Her bones will ache from the drugs, her legs will cramp and her stomach will want to hurl.Listen to help with symptoms, medications and tactical support. But you also listen because when someone has debilitating poisons injected into their blood every few weeks, and it brings them so very low, having someone to hear their woes is medicine itself.
Do stuff
Many men will be amazed at how quickly a house can fall apart with their wife is on the DL. You will need to do more … perhaps everything. Learn to love grocery shopping (that is your alone time now). Learn to cook, or at least assemble foods that have something resembling taste and nutrition. Clean (women like clean).But also do take her out. When enduring chemo, a woman can be trapped in a house, or even a room for days at a time. Put her in the car and take her for a drive … anywhere. The more beautiful the better. Just keep her in touch with sun, rain, birds, lights, life. This not only makes her now happier, but it gives her an anchor in the future … a little more to hold on and look forward to.
Coax, push, pull
There will be times when her fatigue makes her want to do nothing, not even change the channel. One of your jobs is to get her on her feet, out the door, and going for short walks. This is not only medically beneficial, but helps to raise her energy levels. You are her physical therapist, and a walk around the block is a miracle tonic.Oh, and hold her hand, just because.
Love
If I have to tell you this part, then you are hopeless. But just in case, understand that a little affection can mend broken hearts. Your wife is literally facing death, not to mention the loss (hopefully temporary) of her femininity, her hair, her looks, her strength and her glory. She will feel mighty low physically and spiritually. A long hug from you can make all that seem, for a tiny moment, unimportant.Friday, December 20, 2013
Last Chemo Treatment Done!
I was really worried about taking yet another drug on top of all of the chemo drugs in addition to all of the medications that I take for the side effects of chemo and did some research on Procrit. The research and the side effects listed were a little disconcerting so when I went to the doctor today for the Neulasta shot, Guy and I sat with her and went over the pros and cons very closely. After the conversation that Guy and I had with the doctor, we determined that the benefits do outweigh the risks and the doctor ensured us that it is a commonly prescribed drug that a lot of her patients have taken over a much longer period of time than I will need it.
This day marks an end to one part of the journey and a beginning to the next phase. I believe that I am now cancer free and that the treatments did what they were supposed to do. For this I am excited and grateful. But...I will need to retrain my brain to accept this as fact and not worry over the next 5 years or so about any secondary cancers or recurrence. Triple Negative breast cancer has one of the highest risks of recurrence so this lingers in the back of my mind. A lifetime of thinking, planning and worrying about the future will be hard to change, but I will attempt every day to live in the moment and focus on the good that every day brings. Easier said than done? We'll see.
Inspiring words from Robin Roberts:
If you are depressed, you are living in the past
If you are anxious, you are worrying about the future
If you are relaxed and calm, you are living in the moment.
Words to remember and live by. Today I have conquered breast cancer! I am a survivor!
Tuesday, December 17, 2013
Breathing and other things...
Breathe. We start our lives with the act of breathing that will then take us through to the very end. When we are babies, we breathe deeply into the belly in a relaxed fashion. Somehow throughout the years we forget how to breathe in this easy, natural way and end up taking shallow breaths, and even holding our breaths for long periods of time when we are concentrating on work, for example.
I realized only a week or so ago, that it was difficult for me to take really deep, easy breaths. I had spent so many years holding my breath while at work, when stressed and just in general was taking more shallow breaths than deep healthy ones. I think a lot of us do this without realizing it. Especially those of us who tend to worry too much.
Now that I have a better awareness of my stress levels and the lack of breath, I find myself once again able to take those relaxed belly breaths which really helps me to release some of the muscle tension that I hold in my body. It seems so unnatural that one would even have to think about breathing, but I do.
Let go of stress and worry. This has been very hard for me. But I am learning. If I had to blame getting cancer on anything, it would be stress. It may or may not be the case, but I'd like to blame something. At work I stress, trying to accomplish every task very quickly and with perfection. There is nothing wrong with that, but the alternative of not treating every task as an emergency and easing through the project will not harm anyone. It will still get done and will be done without me holding my breath and being so tense about it. In life I tend to stress and worry about a lot of things. I am slowly learning to let things go. There is only so much you can control. What happened in the past should remain in the past. Living for today and focusing on the present allows me to get through each day without stress and worry. Worrying about the future does not make sense because we don't really know what the future holds as life and circumstances are ever changing. These are sometimes hard lessons to learn.
Being diagnosed with breast cancer and taking time away from work to undergo chemo treatments has given me time to reflect and learn a bit more about how I behave and react to things. I need to be more forgiving with myself, take better care of myself and try not to be all things to everybody else all of the time. Not to be selfish, but to have more awareness. We should all remember to breathe properly, let go of stress, laugh, eat well and exercise every day. I believe this is essential to good health.
Last chemo!. In two days I go in for my last chemo - hurray! The third one was very difficult and unlike the other two where I felt pretty good the last week before the next treatment - this week my energy level is still very low, I am suffering with extreme fatigue in my muscles which is a new symptom for me this time, pain in my ribs, extremely dry skin and insomnia. I am taking one day at a time with a positive mindset that I will feel better and trying not to worry that the next treatment will be worse. I have to remind myself what I said above, just focus on today and make each day a good one.
With that all said and done - muscle fatigue or not - I'd better strap on my tennis shoes and take this body out for a walk to breathe in some fresh air and get a little sun on my face while the day is still young. Practice what I preach :)
I realized only a week or so ago, that it was difficult for me to take really deep, easy breaths. I had spent so many years holding my breath while at work, when stressed and just in general was taking more shallow breaths than deep healthy ones. I think a lot of us do this without realizing it. Especially those of us who tend to worry too much.
Now that I have a better awareness of my stress levels and the lack of breath, I find myself once again able to take those relaxed belly breaths which really helps me to release some of the muscle tension that I hold in my body. It seems so unnatural that one would even have to think about breathing, but I do.
Let go of stress and worry. This has been very hard for me. But I am learning. If I had to blame getting cancer on anything, it would be stress. It may or may not be the case, but I'd like to blame something. At work I stress, trying to accomplish every task very quickly and with perfection. There is nothing wrong with that, but the alternative of not treating every task as an emergency and easing through the project will not harm anyone. It will still get done and will be done without me holding my breath and being so tense about it. In life I tend to stress and worry about a lot of things. I am slowly learning to let things go. There is only so much you can control. What happened in the past should remain in the past. Living for today and focusing on the present allows me to get through each day without stress and worry. Worrying about the future does not make sense because we don't really know what the future holds as life and circumstances are ever changing. These are sometimes hard lessons to learn.
Being diagnosed with breast cancer and taking time away from work to undergo chemo treatments has given me time to reflect and learn a bit more about how I behave and react to things. I need to be more forgiving with myself, take better care of myself and try not to be all things to everybody else all of the time. Not to be selfish, but to have more awareness. We should all remember to breathe properly, let go of stress, laugh, eat well and exercise every day. I believe this is essential to good health.
Last chemo!. In two days I go in for my last chemo - hurray! The third one was very difficult and unlike the other two where I felt pretty good the last week before the next treatment - this week my energy level is still very low, I am suffering with extreme fatigue in my muscles which is a new symptom for me this time, pain in my ribs, extremely dry skin and insomnia. I am taking one day at a time with a positive mindset that I will feel better and trying not to worry that the next treatment will be worse. I have to remind myself what I said above, just focus on today and make each day a good one.
With that all said and done - muscle fatigue or not - I'd better strap on my tennis shoes and take this body out for a walk to breathe in some fresh air and get a little sun on my face while the day is still young. Practice what I preach :)
Tuesday, December 10, 2013
New developments in Triple Negative breast cancer research.
Please click on the link below to read about new developments in treating triple negative breast cancer. I'm so happy to see more research and progress as this is a very aggressive type of breast cancer.
http://www.thealmagest.com/triple-negative-breast-cancer-target-drug-development-identified/5315
http://www.thealmagest.com/triple-negative-breast-cancer-target-drug-development-identified/5315
Monday, December 9, 2013
I felt like I'd been shot but didn't fall down.
I feel like I'm finally turning the corner on chemo round 3. Today is day 13 and my energy level has increased and I feel a lot more human. For the past two weeks I felt like I'd been shot but didn't fall down (to borrow a line from a Lucinda Williams song). The fatigue was horrible and I developed neuropathy which I now have to take more medicine for. And there were the usual stomach issues and bone pain to contend with. All but the fatigue and neuropathy have subsided leaving me to feel a lot better. The neuropathy is a strange thing. My fingers and toes are numb but my hands and feet get extremely cold. I could not feel the right side of my right foot earlier and all I could do was take a hot bath to get the feeling back. Weird...
I have started physical therapy to try to address the back pain that has gotten progressively worse since I began chemotherapy. Due to the decrease in exercise and the increase of sitting/laying around and putting more pressure on my back bones and muscles the pain in that area as increased significantly. I'm hoping that by undergoing physical therapy and getting on a regular routine of appropriate stretches and exercises that I can get ahead of the game in getting my body back into good physical condition once I have completed my treatments. So far it seems to be helping to ease some of the pain.
All of last week I attempted to get out and walk every day. Just getting around the block left me exhausted and very winded. Today I clocked 1.25 miles and felt great. I love this phase in the cycle when I start to feel better and know that I have 10 days until the next treatment where I can get a thing or two accomplished and move my body and get out of the house. There will be both good and not so good days but the good will outnumber the bad at this point and for that I am grateful.
So, what will I do with the next 10 days? I will attempt to get out and walk each day, try to hit the gym and do light circuit weights every other day, go to physical therapy, visit my doctor and be extremely thankful to be alive and doing as well as I am considering the circumstances.
I hope that everyone reading this will stay warm in this chilly weather, hold those near and dear to you close and don't take your health for granted. Take good care of yourselves!
Also, thanks so much for all of the lovely cards of good wishes that you have and continue to send to me. I have strung them all up on the walls going up and down my staircase. I pass by and see them every time I go up or down the stairs and I soak in all of the good vibes and well wishes as I walk by. My staircase is wonderfully decorated with love and it makes me smile and I feel the love every time I walk by those cards. Thank you....
I have started physical therapy to try to address the back pain that has gotten progressively worse since I began chemotherapy. Due to the decrease in exercise and the increase of sitting/laying around and putting more pressure on my back bones and muscles the pain in that area as increased significantly. I'm hoping that by undergoing physical therapy and getting on a regular routine of appropriate stretches and exercises that I can get ahead of the game in getting my body back into good physical condition once I have completed my treatments. So far it seems to be helping to ease some of the pain.
All of last week I attempted to get out and walk every day. Just getting around the block left me exhausted and very winded. Today I clocked 1.25 miles and felt great. I love this phase in the cycle when I start to feel better and know that I have 10 days until the next treatment where I can get a thing or two accomplished and move my body and get out of the house. There will be both good and not so good days but the good will outnumber the bad at this point and for that I am grateful.
So, what will I do with the next 10 days? I will attempt to get out and walk each day, try to hit the gym and do light circuit weights every other day, go to physical therapy, visit my doctor and be extremely thankful to be alive and doing as well as I am considering the circumstances.
I hope that everyone reading this will stay warm in this chilly weather, hold those near and dear to you close and don't take your health for granted. Take good care of yourselves!
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