The Husband’s Job

Okay men. Listen-up. If your wife has breast cancer, these are your marching orders.

[And this tome is for men. Not spineless boys who leave their wives when cancer strikes, as I have read horror stories about. Not wimps, who promised in sickness and in health, then flaked when the former occurred. This is for men who have honor and keep their word.]

When your wife gets the call, your life changes. All your petty worries and frustrations magically vanish because you now have one single priority. The clarity and, strangely the peace of mind, is amazing and will help your through this as you help your woman through it. So strap-in and learn what your jobs are.

Be there 

Go to all of the doctor appointments. Cancer is a complex threat, and it is better to have two heads and four ears. The flood of information is huge, and what one person misses, the other will catch. Her life may depend on what you hear and remember.

More importantly, be there for her. At times she will feel very alone because she is the only one with the disease. Every hug, touch, gesture and soft word let’s her know she isn’t alone after all.

Listen 

Your wife will endure a lot of changes. She will go from robust to bed-ridden exhausted. She will lose her hair and at times her psychological strength. Her bones will ache from the drugs, her legs will cramp and her stomach will want to hurl.

Listen to help with symptoms, medications and tactical support. But you also listen because when someone has debilitating poisons injected into their blood every few weeks, and it brings them so very low, having someone to hear their woes is medicine itself.

Do stuff 

Many men will be amazed at how quickly a house can fall apart with their wife is on the DL. You will need to do more … perhaps everything. Learn to love grocery shopping (that is your alone time now). Learn to cook, or at least assemble foods that have something resembling taste and nutrition. Clean (women like clean).

But also do take her out. When enduring chemo, a woman can be trapped in a house, or even a room for days at a time. Put her in the car and take her for a drive … anywhere. The more beautiful the better. Just keep her in touch with sun, rain, birds, lights, life. This not only makes her now happier, but it gives her an anchor in the future … a little more to hold on and look forward to.

Coax, push, pull 

There will be times when her fatigue makes her want to do nothing, not even change the channel. One of your jobs is to get her on her feet, out the door, and going for short walks. This is not only medically beneficial, but helps to raise her energy levels. You are her physical therapist, and a walk around the block is a miracle tonic.

Oh, and hold her hand, just because.

Love 

If I have to tell you this part, then you are hopeless. But just in case, understand that a little affection can mend broken hearts. Your wife is literally facing death, not to mention the loss (hopefully temporary) of her femininity, her hair, her looks, her strength and her glory. She will feel mighty low physically and spiritually. A long hug from you can make all that seem, for a tiny moment, unimportant.