Cancer's mind games...

I am through with chemo and I am thrilled.  In the same breath, I am frustrated and unsettled.  It is true that each round of chemo is harder on the body than the last.  The effects are cumulative and the fatigue gets worse each time.  All of that combined with the anemia that I am experiencing has drained every ounce of energy from my body and has left me wholly feeling like I am battling a bad flu.

It's kind of like a bad joke:  Your done!  You made it!  You can go forward and reclaim your health! - but wait...You won't be able to get out of bed!  You will feel more tired than ever!  Your muscles and bones will ache horribly!  What is this cruel joke?  I am ready to move forward and feel better - now.  Patience is not a virtue that I hold.  My mind tells me that I must move forward and begin to exercise my body and feel better.  My body says, no - give it more time - we are not through feeling the effects of the last chemo.

The good news is that I know I will get there.  I must work on the patience end of things and go with the flow.  Hard for me, but I'm learning.  I have to remember that the chemo before this set me back an entire three weeks and then the next one was upon me.  Therefore, I know that it will be at least three weeks from the last one before I begin to turn the corner on the bad effects and after that it will take months to rebuild my stamina and begin to feel normal energy.  Patience, perseverance and hard work are in order.