What is Triple Negative Breast Cancer?

I've been asked by many people to explain my triple negative diagnosis.  The following is a brief and basic explanation.

What is Triple-Negative Breast Cancer?

When breast cancer cells test negative on three key markers, estrogen receptors, progesterone receptors and HER2 receptors, the cancer is called triple-negative.

This form of cancer, usually diagnosed in women before they reach the 40-50 age bracket, represents about 10-20% of all diagnosed breast cancers. It is more common among African-American or Hispanic women, and a particular gene mutation (BRCA1) also predisposes towards developing the cancer.

Triple-negative breast cancer certainly is beatable, but it presents a particular challenge because it does not respond to the hormone therapies used to treat other less aggressive forms of breast cancer and therefore can often require invasive surgeries such as full mastectomies over lumpectomies.

In addition, triple-negative cancer has shown itself more likely to spread and is more likely to re-occur after treatment during a 3-5 year window (however, it’s recurrence rate drops off below that of hormone responsive breast cancer after that period). Triple negative breast cancer also has a lower five-year survival rate than other forms of breast cancer.

For these reasons, finding a way to effectively tackle triple-negative breast cancer and improve the prognosis for sufferers has been a key area of investigation for the researchers.

There needs to be more awareness and research done on this particular sub-type of cancer and one of my goals with this blog is to bring more awareness to this disease so that it is better understood.  I hope to see a cure for this disease in my lifetime. 

Today, we are heading to the City to watch the Race for the Cure and cheer on our daughter who is running the race as an act of support in my battle.  Looking forward to getting out with the crown and supporting the cause.  Happy Sunday all <3

2 weeks post mastectomy surgery!

My lucky Irish Angel (given to me by my Ma :)

Today it has been 2 weeks since my surgery.
I feel that recovery is going really well.  I'm getting stronger every day and am now really focusing on getting myself ready for what chemotherapy is going to bring to my mind and body.

I go to the oncologist on Monday and will likely find out the schedule and start date for chemo.  I'm really dreading going through this for the next several months but I do understand that it is in my best interest to ensure that all the cancer is out of my body.

With everything that I've read and been told about the chemo drugs that I will be getting (Taxotere and Cytoxan), I'm anticipating the following side effects:
- Hair loss
- Fatigue
- Loss of Appetite
- Nausea
- Neuropathy
- Bone Pain
- Chemo brain (cognitive functions)

With this information I realize that everyone is different and will not experience the exact same side effects.  I am making up my mind right now that I will accept the hair loss (I have some cute hats and scarves ready), I will rest well and combat the fatigue, I will eat good foods that are nourishing for me (appetite has never really been an issue for me - I love food), the doctor has some medications that will help with neuropathy and bone pain if they become an issue and as for nausea, we'll just have to wait and see.  I won't really know until I get there.

It has helped me to read and research a lot about what to expect - I'm not good with surprises.  I feel prepared albeit a bit worried but I know I can conquer this.  My biggest worry is about the possible permanent or long term side effects of chemotherapy such as:
- secondary cancers (bone marrow/leukemia) and heart problems
- long term chemo brain (memory problems and fogginess)
Although the long term issues tend to be fairly rare, they do occur.

I will go to the oncologist on Monday with my list of questions and concerns and hope that she can address all of them and make me feel more at ease.

This Sunday, my daughter is running in the Race for the Cure in San Francisco.  My husband and I plan to be there to greet her at the finish line.  And, yes we'll be sporting our custom made T-shirts - Rosie has hers ready to run!

Mastectomy surgery recovery - stuck in the middle...

I find myself at that awkward place in surgery recovery.  I have turned the corner where I am not in much pain and no longer taking any medications.  I feel pretty good for the most part, just a little discomfort and some difficulty with range of motion in left arm/shoulder.  But...I still cannot drive, soak in the tub, lift anything over 5 pounds.  I feel good but I can't do as much as I'd like to.  I am stuck in the middle between being down and feeling normal again.  It is funny that just a month ago, I was complaining about not having enough time for recreational reading, exercising more, practicing my guitar and relaxation and down time.  Well, I got cancer and it looks like all of the things that I had been wishing for might just come along with the package.  Strange turn of events.  I keep hearing that mantra, Be Careful What You Wish For!

Doctors news this week...  

Monday, reconstructive surgeon told me that I am healing exceptionally well for being 10 days out from surgery.  He said that he has many patients who were not healed quite as nicely at this early stage of recovery.  We were happy to hear that news.  After seeing him every 2-3 days since surgery, I get a short break and don't have to go back to him until 10/3 for my first tissue expansion procedure.

Tuesday, general surgeon who performed mastectomy confirmed that pathology report indicates no lymph node involvement and that all tumors were removed with clear margins.  He too indicated that everything was healing nicely and that he was pleased with the outcome.  Still restricted to slow easy movements with left arm and no over exertion...rest.

Encouraging news all around.  I'm hopeful that the oncologist will give me a couple of weeks before she begins chemotherapy so that I can get out of this house and perhaps take a small trip and have some fun before I'm down and out in chemo-land.  I'll find out more about this on Monday.  It probably sounds crazy, but I'd really like to be able to clean my house properly at this point.  It is driving me mad not to be able to vacuum and clean like I'd like to.  Guy is helpful, but he is not the housekeeper from heaven ;)  I know I'll be out and about and feeling much better in about a week or so - just so hard for me to be patient.  I have never been a home body and would much rather be on the move and looking for adventure.

The highlight of my week:  Monday evening Rosie and Michael came over after work and cooked dinner for us.  The two of them prepared a wonderful spaghetti dinner for us and spent time visiting.  I was so touched that they would drive all the way out on a work night to do something so nice.  Sweet kids and I love them so <3  Rosie and I even posed in my new wig and do-rag!

Under construction...

Yesterday I was able to get out of the house for one of my first outings (besides doctors offices and pharmacies) since my surgery just over a week ago.  My husband drove me to Stanford University to visit the Rodin exhibit.  Before heading to the museum, we decided to take a leisurely stroll through the outdoor mall on campus.  It was kind of hysterical to me, with my warped sense of humor, to find myself just having both breasts removed, to be standing in front of a Victoria's Secret store.  I think I'll call this one "under construction".  Not ready to wander in just yet :)

As for the outing - I found myself terribly exhausted by the end of it all.  The exhibit really was wonderful and informative and I enjoyed it.  We were only there a little over an hour, but the standing and walking was so tiring after being pretty sedentary for the past week.  Little by little I'm getting my stamina back.  I just walked in the door from a two mile walk around the neighborhood and while it wasn't my usual 14 minute mile (more like 22 minutes) I felt good having walked all the way up the hill and back.

What I noticed while walking is that my ribs are really sore.  Not sure if it is a result of the surgery itself or too much lying around on my back during recovery.  Other than that I am not in too much pain today - mostly discomfort under the left arm where the lymph node was removed.  The right side feels pretty good today.  

Another small victory in recovery TNBC

I got the last two surgical drains removed this morning.  Victory!  Well, as small as it may seem, every hurdle I pass on the road to recovery gives me just the little boost that I need to keep the forward momentum and optimism.  The doctor said that I am healing very well.  If it weren't for my severe allergic reaction to the surgical glue and adhesives I'd be looking pretty good for someone only one week post bi-lateral mastectomy.  I feel lighter and more free without the tubes and bottles hanging from my body.  Doctors orders: no lifting arms above shoulder height, continue to sleep slightly elevated on back, no more prescription pain pills (tylenol only), continue with nitrobid cream 4 times per day, and anti-itch creams as needed.  The pathology report from surgery came back in to indicate that no cancer was found in the sentinel lymph node and all of the margins came back clear.  In other words, the cancer was contained and removed during surgery.  Great news!  The better scenario would have been if the tumors were hormone receptor positive because there are drugs that can be given to provide additional measures to keep the recurrence rate very low.  Because I have TNBC (triple negative), the hormone receptors are negative and the drugs are not an option for me.  We have to rely only on the chemo to try to ensure that there are no other cancer cells lingering around.

So, here comes the TMI part.  If I'm going to help aid others going through this to know what to expect, I must divulge some of the gory details (boys, feel free to stop reading now :).  Today's mastectomy with reconstruction options is so much different than the mastectomy that one might expect.    When you think of having your breasts completely removed, you think about a flat, smooth chest with no trace of breasts remaining.  With my decision to have mastectomy with immediate reconstruction what I see are two hard, swollen small breasts that actually look like real breasts.  Not so shocking.  They did skin/nipple sparing mastectomy on me and because there was no cancer in or too close to the nipples, they were able to leave them.  The one on the right looks normal, the left one is very dark, purple.  The doctor has us applying nitroglycerin cream 4 times a day to keep blood supply going to the nipple in order to keep it alive and healing well.  So far, so good - I think it will turn out just fine.  The first step of the reconstruction was for the plastic surgeon to create a muscle/tissue base with a tissue matrix product called Alloderm and to place expanders (implant place holders) under this material.  The expanders are filled with a small amount of saline to keep the skin stretched and ready to accept implants further down the road.  I will go in for my first saline expansion in about 3 weeks from now to increase the volume in the expander.  We may only need to do one or two of these sessions.  Chemo will begin in about 2-3 weeks from now as well and the procedure to take out the expanders and put in the implants will take place at some point when chemo has completed.  There will also be some fat transfer to the breasts at some point to complete the process for a more natural look.

Quite a process, but we have come so far with the options for women who need to have mastectomies. The main thing is to be cancer free and healthy, but after that, it is wonderful that women have the opportunity to make a choice as to whether or not they want to reconstruct.  The decision is very individual and there really are many options and variables.

So, all around good news today.  Feeling more human each day.  Now, for a trip to the kitchen to pursue my quest to put some more meat on my bones (doctor's orders)!

Day 5 post surgery - The Princess and the Pea

Day 5 post surgery has not been too bad.  Pain has let up a bit and I've pushed aside the heavy narcs for Tylenol today.  I suspect I'll be grabbing for the heavy duties at bedtime to ensure a good night's sleep.  I've been a bit more active today, on and off - at least not sleeping the entire day away.  I decided to finally open the bedroom door and let the cats back in and they are soooooo happy to be able to resume their spots on the bed and I'm happy to have the company.  Until now, I didn't want to take a chance on one of them walking across my chest (ouch!) while I was sleeping.  They will be disappointed when they are kicked out again at bedtime - oh well.

Oddly, one of my favorite stories when I was a child was The Princess and the Pea.  Little did I know I would turn into that Princess when I grew up.  I think I am driving Guy crazy with every adjustment I am asking him to make for me.  I feel every wrinkle in the sheets, pillows and my clothing.  If one thing is out of place it makes me insane.  It's amazing how sensitive your skin becomes when attempting to overcome trauma.  Hmmmmm, could this be why Guy has locked himself in his office for more hours than usual today?

Now, for the evening plans...heading downstairs to sit on patio to catch the last of the sunshine for today.  After that I want nothing more to shower and wash my hair as the hair washing days will soon be gone for a while.  Imagine the money I'll save on hair products!  Then, dinner and back to bed for popcorn and movie with my hubby.  Good evening all <3

Is there a train parked on my chest?

Surgery day came and went.  The day itself was crazy, scary but all went according to schedule and was not as bad as I thought it might have been.  I stayed in the hospital from Friday to Sunday and am home now resting well.  I felt yesterday as though I had a small car parked on my chest, today it appears to be more like a train.  Very heavy and sore feeling.  I've also developed a very itchy red rash on various parts of my torso which I need to discuss with the doc this morning.  It's either from the dressings or the surgical glue but it is driving me CraZy!

I'm still on pain meds and feeling pretty tired, so I'll keep this short.  Just wanted to let everyone know that all went well and that I am home now.  Your prayers definitely helped me get through this surgery with the success and good news that we were hoping for.  We're not out of the woods yet, but well on the way.  My heartfelt thanks goes out to each and every one of you.

Right after surgery in recovery room....

Caregivers Cognition

The surgeons are busy crawling around inside her chest as I write.

This is the day cancer patients dread first and likely most (the first day of chemo being the other candidate). There are questions that are only answered during surgery or in post-game lab reports. Yet for the next few hours, Cheryl has one thing she has not since being diagnosed – the chance to not have worry, doubt and rage in her mind.

Being close yet outside, we caregivers – the husbands, parents, children of the breast cancer patient – can see things even the patient cannot. If you have received a BC diagnosis, take a little advice.

Cry, scream, moan and get very angry. Toss a pillow on the floor and beat it until feathers fly. Unless you are a hideous being, you don’t deserve this and you have every right to be pissed off and scared. Get it out of your system as soon, as fast and as completely as possible. It will clear your mind.

Read obsessively, but don’t obsess. Everyone outside the medical fields is ignorant about cancer, and you want to get smart fast. But the internet is loaded with horror stories, none of which are you. Stick to the main web sites – American Cancer Society, Komen, WebMD – otherwise the volume and fear within alternate sources can drive you mad or scare you needlessly.

You chose your doctors, not your insurance company or GP. Cheryl’s general practitioner originally referred her to a vascular surgeon, not a breast cancer surgeon. When she discovered this, we went on the hunt and landed a doctor so qualified that everyone in the local medical industry said “Oh, he’s good!” This is your life we’re talking about, so kick your insurance representive in the shins until you get the best in your area.

Treat it like a puzzle game and find the cure. Yes, this is deadly serious, so take some of the head and heartache out by looking at your cure as one big, complex, integrated project – better than redecorating the living room. Cheryl’s binder is so large that doctors marvel at the efforts she has made to master her own care.

Let the dark humor come to you. Dark humor isn’t for everyone, but when you can laugh at the situation you can deal with it calmly. I mentioned running my fingers through Cheryl’s hair and she replied “Enjoy it while you can.” Laughing death in the face puzzles the Reaper long enough to outmaneuver him.

Know this isn’t going to be fun, but millions of other women have done it already. That’s the big one. You are not a trail blazer. Medical science has been working this problem for a long time. Though surgery and chemo are not cakewalks, the process has been refined, improved and specialized thanks to decades of women before you. Your chances of survival are excellent thanks to them. The chance of losing breasts and nipples are less because of them. The hell of chemo is less hellish because of them. You follow the pioneers, and because of that you’ll make it.

Guy – Cheryl’s Husband and Team Mate

No more cancer! Tomorrow's the big day.

Bravery has its limits.  Since my diagnosis I have been brave, strong, ready to fight, prepared.  Well... until today.  It finally hit me - the stress peaked, reality hit hard and I melted.  All of the armor that I had been donning the past four weeks fell to the ground as the day progressed.

I am o.k. now, but the day was truly one big roller coaster ride for me.  In between meetings, chest x-rays, hospital admission interviews, talking to family members, there were lots of tears.  I guess I had been holding so much inside for these past weeks.  My poor husband had to bear my short temper and bad attitude on more than one occasion today - I feel terrible for lashing out at him, but he shouldered it well and understands the pressure that I'm under.

As I sit here now, I have a very interesting purple tattoo design all over my torso where today, one of my surgeons, (or as Guy calls them "cutters") created his markings for tomorrow's shindig.  The doctor today was so nice and understanding today.  As he escorted me into the exam room to draw on me, he made the mistake of asking me how I was doing.  Well, I'm embarrassed to say that the floodgates opened and he sat me down and pulled up a chair and said that we would sit there and talk until I felt better.  He listened, answered all of my questions and reassured me to the best of his ability.  And then proceeded to decorate me.  What a kind and wonderful person to be that understanding and patient.

I've been through my interviews with the anesthesiologist and just received a check-in call from my other surgeon.  The team is ready and confident that all will go smoothly.

Guy took me out to dinner tonight and got my spirits up a bit.  And, talking and corresponding with family and friends has lifted me even more.  I am so lucky to have such a loving family, the best friends and tons of love and support to help me through this.

Tomorrow, I just need to get through the pre-op procedures and nervous jitters.  Then, a nice long nap only to wake up with no more cancer.  NO MORE CANCER!!!

I have asked Guy to write tomorrow's blog for me to let everyone know how the surgery went.  Stay tuned...and thanks again so very much for all of your prayers.  <3

p.s.  Since I've been using my nutribullet and getting so many good fruits and veggies every day, my cute short haircut has been growing so fast.  Guy says that in this pic it looks like Mo from the 3 stooges - wise guy (Guy)!  Well, I might look like Mo now, but I'll be sporting the Curly look in a couple of months!

Just hours to go before surgery - aaaargh!

Some days it feels like a bad dream and others feel all to real.  As the surgery date approaches I wain back and forth between not believing that it will actually happen and feeling angry and scared that it will actually happen.  I am concentrating on getting my house ready to come home to recover and not have to really do any cleaning or anything for the first couple of weeks.  Lots to do, yet not enough to do to keep my mind from worrying.  

Last night Guy and I performed at our last open mic for a while.  It was fun - Guy sang and played guitar on his own for the first song.  We performed a duet for the second and he played while I belted out a blues tune for the third.  It was nice to get out and goof around with music for a little while.

I'm not sure how comfortable it will be to practice my guitar during recovery and may have to resort to my ukelele until I can maneuver around better.  We'll see.

After talking with the oncologist last week, I made the command decision to take the entire time off work during my chemotherapy treatments so that I can concentrate on resting well and taking good care of myself.  I was really worried about having to work while undergoing the treatments and pushing myself too hard at a time when I should really be concentrating on getting better.  Having made this decision has lifted a great deal of stress off of my shoulders.  I am very lucky to have such a wonderful boss who is understanding, encouraging, and flexible so that I am able to accomplish this.  So, tomorrow will be my last work day until the end of the year.  This week has been spent figuring out how to arrange finances to accomplish this and I believe that we have that part worked out now - whew!

I guess I can finally catch up on all the reading I always say I have no time for.    I will be able to help Rosie and Michael with wedding plans - yay!  Thank goodness for Netflix too!  Now, if my husband can only stand to have me around full time we'll be in good shape :)  I'll make every attempt to be a good patient and not ring the bell too often - hahaha.  My two cats will be thrilled to have a warm lap to curl up on during the days - although I'm not too thrilled about sharing my new Irish blanket with either of them.

OK, that's it for this one.  Clearly nervous rambling...

Love and hugs to all of you <3

Breast Cancer Resources - they are out there

In the short amount of time since I've been diagnosed with BC, I have been surprised at all of the resources and assistance available to cancer patients.  Hearing the words that you have cancer is probably in the top three scariest things that a person will ever hear.  Once past the shock of that news, the fear sets in as you do your research to try to determine what your chances are of surviving this thing.  I've come to learn that I am already a survivor - I'm still here!  Next comes the worries about finances, how are you going to pay for everything involved in your treatment; worries about work and whether or not you'll still have a job at the end of your treatment; and then you finally get down to the reality of how the treatments are going to change your looks, lifestyle, etc.  Lots to process and it all seems to be thrown at you at rapid fire speed.

Through my research and in talking to others I have been learning every day about services that exist for cancer patients.  First and foremost, you will want to contact your local American Cancer Society.  They are absolutely wonderful and will answer any questions that you may have and can refer you to the appropriate venues for the services that you need.  A friend told me about a website that will assist with some of the necessities that will incur during treatment:  www.breastcancerfreebies.com.  Another site that will provide services to patients and their caregivers is bcconnections.org. 

Today I went to a class at the Cancer Society called Look Good Feel Better.  They provided each person in the class with a beautiful makeup kit full of great products, along with instructions on how to apply (and draw in those eyebrows that are about to fall off).  They also went over hair loss and how to tie scarves, wig care, etc.  It was informative and, I thought such a nice gesture to help women look and feel better when they are really about to be feeling their worst.  After the class a few of us were escorted to another area of the building where they had a "wig bank".  We were allowed to try on many different wigs (all brand new and high quality) and were told that we could choose any one that we wanted and take it, along with a hat or cap for free.  All the ladies left the two hour class feeling a little bit better and with a smile on their faces.  Being pampered is a nice thing when you are feeling kinda low.  It was also a gentle reminder that we are not in this alone.

I am grateful for all of the nice people who devote their lives to making other people's lives just a little bit brighter when things seem so grim.  To have these services available allows the patient to concentrate on the healing process and alleviates a lot of the other worries that get in the way.  I hope and plan to give back and help others when I reach the other side of this battle. 

It's a good thing I like hats...

The start of my new wardrobe below.  My friend Cynthia made me this beautiful Irish blanket to keep me cozy during recovery. It is beautiful!  I went out to get my post-surgery garments and ended up buying a few caps to keep my forthcoming bald head warm and cozy.   It is very odd to think that in just a few weeks I will lose all of my hair.  But the more important focus is that I will also be losing all of the cancer!  Hooray!  We went to the oncologist today.  Another wonderful doctor for our team.  She answered all of our questions and gave us a lot of information to digest.  I will definitely have to undergo chemotherapy.  If, after the mastectomy surgery and pathology reports come to indicate that there is no lymph node involvement I will likely be given 4 sessions of chemo over a three month period.  If there is lymph node involvement the chemo will be longer.  Keep your fingers crossed.

This news was expected and not as bad as it could be.  The oncologist agreed that I caught this very early and even though it is a very aggressive type of cancer, my odds for beating this are very good.  The choice to have a double mastectomy increases my odds as it appears at this time to be localized.  The known side effects from the drugs that I will be given are, of course - hair loss, nausea, fatigue, bone pain, small risk of infections, and neuropathy (tingling pain in extremities).  All of the symptoms will be manageable with proper rest and pain meds.  I am optimistic that I will handle this fairly well as I am in general good physical condition and health.

Timeline with the information that I have now:  Surgery will be 9/13.  I will go back to the oncologist about 3 weeks after surgery and chemo will start anywhere between 4-6 weeks after the initial surgery which puts us to late October.  Should be finishing up with chemo right around Christmas time and can start feeling better and growing my hair back for the new year.  With any luck I will be back to my old lovely self by Rosie and Michael's wedding in March (with a snazzy short hair-do).  I hope I grow chemo curls!

So... hair today, gone tomorrow!  I will rock my cute hats (may even forego the wig thing - we'll see), get good rest, exercise and nutrition and let this cancer business know who is boss.

Waiting...the hard part!

It's amazing how much there is to do when you are planning not to be able to do much.  Yesterday I got my flu shot and a shingles shot.  With flu season coming up and anticipating chemo, I didn't want to take any chances on catching these preventable illnesses when my resistance is low.   Today, after work I went to the hospital to pre-check in, got my teeth cleaned, created a grocery list of supplies during my recovery, got in a good 3 mile walk and began to rearrange my bathroom area to put items within easy reach.  It was a good, productive day.

Tomorrow I will be fitted for post surgery garment and afterwards will have my first appointment with the oncologist.  I've still got lab work to get done early next week, get my house really clean and ready and then, wait for the big day - one week from tomorrow.

I think I'm about as prepared as a person can be for the surgery and initial recovery.  I'm trying not to think too far ahead about the chemotherapy and the subsequent effects from that horrible process.  One thing at a time.  It seems so much less overwhelming when I focus on small pieces of the process rather than look at it as a whole.

I'm feeling healthy and strong and I'm confident that I'm doing all I can to prepare for the months ahead.  I can't emphasize enough how grateful I am to have all of my family and friends supporting me through all of this and your prayers are welcomed and appreciated.

That's it for now - just a checking in blog to keep the dialogue alive.

Hugs!

Here is a t-shirt that Guy and I designed for inspiration.  Also, Rosie is running a 5K race for the cure and wanted a special t-shirt to wear.  That is what really prompted the design.  Anyway, let me know if anyone wants to order one.  Guy can place the orders and have them shipped to you.  Just let him know your size and where you want it shipped.  You can send him a check directly.  Guy.smith@siliconstrat.com

I love this shirt!  It makes me happy just looking at it.  I won't be able to wear mine until after I heal from the initial surgery as I won't be able to get my hands over my head to put it on, but I look forward to wearing it after the surgery and while undergoing chemo and fighting like an Irish girl :)

Pre-op Appointment today.

I had my pre-op appointment today.  I really like my team of surgeons.  Especially the reconstructive surgeon.  He has such a way about him that makes me feel calm and reassured that all will go well.  I still have to get some lab work done and pick up some post-surgical supplies and garments but we are pretty close to being ready for the big day - I just wish it wasn't a week + off so that I can get this nasty disease out of me.

As it stands, surgery is supposed to take about 6 hours.  I will be spending about 2 days in the hospital and 3 weeks off work for recovery.  Then at some point shortly after the 3 weeks as passed we will begin chemotherapy.  We will not know whether or not radiation will also be included in the therapy - I pray not.  The doctor also says that I will likely need physical therapy to assist in regaining mobility in my shoulders and arms after the surgery.

I guess I'd better get out there next weekend and look for a wig, scarves, hats, etc. in preparation for this chemo business.  Here's my chance to be a fashion diva!

This is just the beginning of a long, hard year to come.  There will be many challenges and lots of ups and downs - sounds like life, huh?  The bright side is that I now have every excuse to relax and take good care of myself - something we should all be doing.  I am counting on all of my support team to keep up the good humor and keep me laughing throughout this process.  Laughter is the best medicine :) - with some good meds on the side.  Your prayers and good thoughts will bring me through this with flying colors.

Let the games begin!

Drawing strength from others and letting go...

Every day is different.  Today I'm feeling very strong and optimistic about the road ahead.  It is strange to think that I have a killer disease inside of my body as I type this, yet I feel healthy and strong.

Today, I am thankful for all of the women who have battled this disease before me.  They have paved the road to my recovery along with millions of others.  I am sad for those that lost their lives to this disease and my heart goes out to their families.  I draw strength from the stories of the brave survivors who had to endure months of painful treatments and came out the other side beautiful, brave, strong and healthy.

I remembered today, a teaching from my earlier, more religious days where it was said that if you were burdened with something that you did not feel you had the strength to deal with that you should just give it to God.  Hand the burden over and have faith that it will be taken care of.  Now, being the control freak that I am, I'm not sure that I can completely hand this thing over but I will make a big attempt to let some of it go.  There is only so much to this disease that I can control - the rest I will have to hand over and have faith.

I started the day with a nice long walk, then shopping and lunch with Rosie and then began to organize recovery clothes and getting things that I will want access to during recovery in easy reach.  These things I can control and can plan in advance for.

Today is a good day.  I feel good.  I am calm.  I am feisty!